Thursday, April 22, 2010


I have not posted an entry for the longest time and here I am writing about something rather sticky...

Why? I just feel like I letting go... It is about AM (Pseudo name).

AM recently wrote to me that her second marriage is heading towards spiltsville. By now, both husband & wife's respective lawyers would be finalising on who gets what etc. etc. I will not get into details, just that the tendency of AM getting into series of massive & some notorious relationships whenever she breaks up with a partner...The tendency is there and has been since our university days and yes, it has started now. It is sad when a child is involved...Imagine the kid having to like someone so much ..and having to restart everything again...Sigh!

I only know AM's side of the story and do not know what her soon-to-be ex has to say. I will not take sides when her soon-to-ex eventually has to say something... It takes 'two to tango'. I will always be there for AM (as I used to when her numerous relationship broke apart).

AM earns decent amount of money and works overseas and is a PR abroad. AM can provide all that money can for her child's education and daily needs and more. However the most frustrating and disappointing thing is that AM is unable and incapable to nurture not only her previous marriage(s) BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY her child's upbringing & well-being...(In fact, anyone close who has tried to advise AM about her one and only child's upbringing, has had been strike off from AM's list of friends).

At the moment AM's kid is being brought up by maternal grandparents. Poor kid...Her current partner (in the process of being an 'ex') maybe a lousy husband but he sure was the best step-father so far for AM's only child.

Why am I still her friend? It goes way back and I still care for AM and will be there for AM. No one's perfect. However, I must take off my hat for AM and despite her short-comings, she is an extremely kind person. Very generous and good with animals too.

In essence, marriage is not just a mere agreement and can be fixed like gadgets when issues arise. A marriage (be it good or not so good) needs nurturing, care, time etc. etc. Marriage is a long term investment and the returns differs from one another. Lots of give and take. Need to forgive and let go (Easily said ... nevertheless it is doable if one is willing to let go 'ego' which engulfs each and everyone of us...). Am not saying that mine is perfect but as we grow and mature, we should more or less be a lot more compassionate & kind and a lot less egoistic in handling matters of the heart. Enough said...

One can be rich, beautiful, lucky, wonderful etc. etc. However not many are kind. To have a friend who is genuinely kind is like locating 'Pandora's Box' in the deep ocean or even finding the Holy Grail.

So, AM, you are and will be my friend (no buts here). Whatever you have decided and even if I may disagree, it is your life and your choices. May God bless and hope that you will find that one true love.

I also very much hope and pray that you will EVENTUALLY learn to nurture your relationship with your one and only little precious child. You may shower your kid with material goods, holiday trips abroad etc. However, when a child grows up, he/she will ONLY remember the time spent with his/her parent/s. So invest in 'time' with your child while you still have got some (before it gets too late). Good luck and May God Bless.